Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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