I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
