My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
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Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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