I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
