There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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