The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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