The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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