Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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