Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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