jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
