Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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