I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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