dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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