I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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