Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
