her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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