What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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