let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
