and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
