OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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