You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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