umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
