not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
