Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
