I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
