I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
