dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
