she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
