This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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