All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
