Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
