I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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