It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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