her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
