Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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