Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
