Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
