8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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