she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
