The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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