its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
