when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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