You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
