I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
