xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
