I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
