Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
