My liver just broke up with me...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
