He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
