Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
