I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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