yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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