who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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