last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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