Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
