Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
