Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
