Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
