if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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