my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
