i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
