I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
