Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
