I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
