That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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