I accidentally burped into my bong.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
