we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
