Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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