I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
