so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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