ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
