ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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