but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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